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Sing to the tune of:


To the tune of
"Santa Claus is Coming to Town"

You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better not pout
Iím telliní you why
Saturnís claws are coming around.

Heís making a list
Checking it twice
Gonna make sure
You pay the price
Saturnís claws are coming around.

He knows when youíve be playing.
He knows when youíre at work.
He knows if youíve been bad or good
And he knows if youíre a jerk!

So, you'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better not pout
Iím telliní you why
Saturnís claws are coming around.

Top


To the tune of
"Deck the Halls"

Deck your charts with trines and sextiles
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Put your client charts in piles
Fa la la la la, la la la la
The ones with lots of squares go here
Fa la la, la la la, la la la
All the others have good cheer
Fa la la la la, la la la la

Call the Leos, throw a party
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Let the Geminis all be tardy
Fa la la la la, la la la la
The Aries will of course come early
Fa la la, la la la, la la la
And the earth signs will come surely
Fa la la la la, la la la la

Have the Cancers bring the food
Fa la la la la, la la la la
The Sagittarians will be rude
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Scorpios are up to no good
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Capricorns will do just as they should
Fa la la la la, la la la la

Now the Christmas partyís ended
Fa la la la la, la la la la
All the signs have been offended
Fa la la la la, la la la la
We each go back to our natal chart
Fa la la, la la la, la la la
And we ply our cosmic art
Fa la la la la, la la la la

Top


To the tune of
"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"

Come rest your pens and ephemeris
Thereís nothing you should do
Today your new computer came
To calculate charts for you
To save us from that dreary work
More time to ply our artsó
Oh, tidings of calculated charts,
Calculated charts
Good tidings of calculated charts

Top


To the tune of
"O Little Town of Bethlehem"

O retrograde of Mercury
How oddly thou behave
Instead of normal movement swift
Reversing twenty days.
And in this odd time whineth
Communication nerds
Who do complain under the strain
That we must eat our words.

Top


To the tune of
"Come All Ye Faithful"

Come all ye planets
Jupiter and Saturn
Neptune, Uranus, and Mercury!

Come and behold Mars,
Venus, Earth, and Pluto
Oh come let us observe them
Oh come let us observe them
Oh come let us observe them
In our lives.

Top


To the tune of
"Jingle Bells"

Drawing up the chart;
But I'm running late;
The client's on her way;
I guess she'll have to wait!

The client's at the door.
The chart is just complete.
No time now to check my work
But I am sure not beat! Oh!

Draw the chart, Draw the chart
Make it all look great!
Fill in all the signs and lines
That show the client's fate.

Take your time, Sing this rhyme.
Astrology is fun;
It's a good thing she won't know
That I just got it done!

Top


To the tune of
"O Christmas Tree"

O Jupiter, O Jupiter,
How lovely are thy transits.

O Jupiter, O Jupiter,
How lovely are thy transits.

You make the worst seem okay
You make the hardest work seem play

O Jupiter, O Jupiter,
How lovely are thy transits.

Top


To the tune of
"Rudolf, the Red-Nosed Reindeer"

Pluto, the coldest planet
Had a very hidden side
And if you ever felt it
You would know how it applied

All of the other planets
Seemed so light and full of glee
When, set next to deep, dark Pluto
With his intense mystery.

Then one Saturn transit came
A burden came to stay
But Pluto with his trine so bright
Eased the pressure of that night

Then all the planets loved him
And they moved so rapidly
But Pluto, the deep, dark planet
Kept his intense mystery.

Top


To the tune of
"Good King Wenceslas"

Drawing up a chart to read
For a brand new client
Who wants to better understand
A complicated event
Frankly I don't want to give
Another shallow reading
So I look for more aspects
For meaning that I'm needing

Looking for the squares and trines
To the natal planets
When the transits hit those points
I hope that he can stand it.
There's an aspect to his moon
From Mars conjucting Saturn
When Uranus comes on through
He won't know which way to turn.

But now he really wants to know
If he'll ever act on stage
And if he does get the part
Will he make a decent wage?
I can see the pattern clear
On this Tuesday morning
With Jupiter now in his Fifth,
He'll have his Broadway opening.

He's advised to listen up
And see the cosmic pattern
Heed the wisdom of the stars
From Jupiter and Saturn.
Later in that very day
After the client's session
I thank the stars for what they give
That opens our perception.

Top

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Rick Levine is Co-founder of StarIQ.com. He has been involved in the technology sector for 30 years. As a Founding Trustee of Kepler College, he is interested in the education of astrologers. As a frequent lecturer at astrology conferences, he teaches about the important relationships between science, astrology and our spiritual traditions. He writes the Daily Horoscope Column for Tarot.com, which is published on MySpace.com, Beliefnet.com, AOL.com, iGoogle.com, and more. He co-authors (with Jeff Jawer)

Visit the author's website.

Send an email to the author.

For more information about Rick Levine, click here.

Other StarIQ articles by Rick Levine:

  • Opa Retreat - Marco Island, Florida -- April 22-25, 2004   2/7/2004
  • Winter Solstice Poem   12/19/2003
  • The Gift of the Magi   12/24/2001
  • Solstice 2001   12/17/2001
  • Recent Saturn-Pluto Cycles   11/10/2001
  • The New Global Perspective   10/20/2001
  • Ben Affleck Turns 29   8/20/2001
  • Attack on Kepler College: A Modern Inquisition   5/18/2001
  • A Christmas Poem   12/24/2000
  • Mercury Retrograde: A Modern Look   11/9/1999
  • The Mercury Retrograde Story   11/8/1999
  • ProSig October 1999   10/20/1999
  • Solar Eclipse August 1999   9/1/1999

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