Cosmic Correspondent Kim Rogers-Gallagher has been invited to the planets'
secret hangout. She's the first astrologer to enter this starry domain,
and reports regularly on her findings there.
Venus and Mars Show Off Their Brand New Outfits
ride was marvelous. Jupiter, of course, being the head of the department
of long-distance travel, was quite the pilot—and quite the tour guide.
My travel-loving uncle arranged a veritable buffet of attractions as
he guided the helicopter over the desert Southwest. After our second
time around the north rim of the Grand Canyon, I closed my eyes for
a quick power nap, but when I opened them again I was home.
morning, I was snuggled up in my own bed and I wasn't quite sure if
I'd dreamt the entire adventure. Then my galactic cell phone rang and
Jupiter's merry voice boomed out at me. "Hey, babe, it's me. You
rested up? Because you gotta get down here as soon as you can.
Venus and Mars switched outfits, and they're really goin' at it! You don't
want to miss this, honey. It's priceless."
I said, sitting up. "I'll be there in a little bit. Can you keep
I don't think they'll be going anywhere for quite a while, babe—but
yeah, hurry. This you gotta see."
I had no
idea how right he was.
quickly and drove to the Café, stepping through the door just in time
to feel something whiz by my head. Reminding myself that I had a Mars-Uranus
square—a tense relationship between the warrior planet and the planet
of surprises in my own chart—and could be injured at any moment (under
extremely unusual circumstances, too), I immediately ducked under a
table, not at all prepared for the cosmic floor show I was about to
spot beneath the table, I heard what sounded like a pair of lovers arguing.
I recognized the voices—it was most definitely Venus and Mars, and yes,
they had changed costumes since I'd seen them last. Instead of being
in loving, romantic water-sign moods, Venus was in Aries and Mars was
in Sagittarius, and they were feeling…oh, a bit fiery let's say—if you'll
pardon the pun.
particular was ready to demonstrate. "I can't believe it! I can't
believe even you would do this to me!"
baby, I'm sorry! I forgot!"
cancel it!" she screamed. "Right now!"
can't, babe—I've got money riding on this game, and Jupiter's already
got the tickets." Ah, yes. Any planet in Sag loves sports—but Mars
in Sag is especially fond of them. He paused for a second, then quickly
added, "But, hey, I can probably get another ticket. You wanna
giggled—and was immediately glad I hadn't.
I want to go to a baseball game on my birthday?! Are you joking?"
Venus screamed. She lunged at him, trying to slap his face and kicking
like a madwoman. "Why don't you just buy me a vacuum cleaner while
you're at it?"
back from her, holding his hands in front of him. "Sorry, babe,
sorry, sorry, sorry. I thought you might like it."
he was dead wrong on that one. Venus hopped the bar and grabbed another
handful of glasses.
under the table next to me just in time to avoid being hit by a flying
glass. It shattered on the wall behind the table, breaking into a thousand
razor-sharp splinters. Calmly, he lit a cigarette, turned to me and
said, "Isn't she beautiful when she's mad?"
don't know," I answered. "I'm afraid to look." It made
sense that Mars would feel that way, however. Aries was the personal
property of "the red planet," after all—so if anyone was up
for a lady in red with an equally red-hot temper, he'd be. In fact,
Venus in Aries just had to be darned near irresistible to Mars, regardless
of the sign he was in. But if he was wearing Sag, another fire sign,
they were once again quite well matched.
via another glass, which found its mark just above Mars' knees. "Woo!
That was close! Ten points, babe!" he shouted. "But are you
consistent? Can you do it again?" Yep. This was definitely Mars
in Sag, a sign that seems to find humor in just about everything. I
thought of Jack Nicholson, and his famous "Heeeere's Johnny!"
scene from The Shining. I still remembered how a furious
Nicholson somehow managed to make an audience laugh with his own Sagittarian
Mars—despite the fact that he was pursuing his wife with an ax. Mars
seemed to be having an equally good time with this particular battle.
Judging by the look of the Café floor, which was strewn with broken
plates and shards of glass, the fight had been raging on for some time
now, but he'd certainly managed to keep his Sagittarian sense of humor
to peek out from behind the tablecloth for a second, but when another
glass hit the floor, I retreated behind Mars. Venus had been “wearing”
the sign Aries when we'd first met. I'd seen then how she was dressed,
in her tight red mini skirt, stalking around on four-inch spike heels—also
red, of course. She was wearing that outfit, now, and her face was a
bit on the red side at the moment, too. She was showing off another
side of her personality in Mars' sign: a red-hot bullet of a temper.
"Get your butt out here!" she yelled. "And who the hell
is under there with you, anyway?"
I was doomed. Venus is the goddess of love, but in this frame
of mind, she was primed for war.
hell was I going to do?
Week: Will Kim Be Venus' Next Target?