StarIQ.com's Cosmic Correspondent Kim Rogers-Gallagher has been invited to the planets' secret hangout. She's the first astrologer to enter this starry domain, and reports regularly on her findings there.

Cosmic Café 53:
Venus Gets Impatient and Mercury Shows Why He Is Known as "The Trickster"

Venus was ready to leave and since she was in Aries, a fire sign with about as much patience as a bullet, that fact was quite obvious. Mars, however, was in Sag, a sign that was never famous for knowing when to quit. While he went over his considerably long "to do" list with Jupiter, she chain-smoked, tapped her long red nails on the bar, sighed loudly and glanced at her watch.

Yep. That would be Aries. Once a plan had been made, it was time to execute it. Right now. She stalked over to Mars and Jupiter, hands on her hips. "I mean, what's the hold-up? You've got that many wars to wage? Because you've got another one coming if you don't get a move on, pal. You said you'd take me home so I could pack. I want to go. Now."

They were obviously in a trine, and Mars was feeling extremely generous in his Sag frame of mind, because he stood up, kissed her and said, "Just two more minutes, babe, okay? And then we'll go. Promise. You don't want me worried when I'm supposed to be on vacation, do you?"

She sighed heavily, made a face and walked back to the bar, sullenly sliding into the chair next to me. "I can't believe him. Why do I love this guy?"

Before I had a chance to even attempt to answer, she was out of her chair again. "Never mind. Don't answer that." She pounced across the bar, reached for two shot glasses and a bottle of Jose Cuervo tequila, and began to pour.

Somehow I got up the guts to refuse. "Oh no, not me, thanks," I said. "I'm all set for a while, hon." The shot I'd already felt obliged to share with her had left me a bit too woozy, and I had a feeling I might need to keep my wits about me. I still keenly remembered the sound of the dinner plates she was pitching at Mars whizzing by my head when I'd arrived—and I noticed there was a stack well within her reach. And after Saturn's lecture to this ordinarily merry fire-air group about responsibility, I already felt guilty.

My Saturnian discretion wasn't the answer she was looking for, however—not in the already testy mood she was in. She threw up her hands. "Okay, fine. Not only do I have to WAIT," she said, tossing a red-hot glare at Mars, "I have to drink alone. I HATE to drink alone. Baby, exactly how long is this gonna take? Should I just go take a nap, or what?"

Fortunately, Mars was ready. "Okay, babe, okay. I'm ready, I'm ready." He stood, shook Jupiter's hand, thanked him profusely, then hurriedly pecked me on the cheek as Venus grabbed her purse and his hand and literally pulled him through the door. "Bye, y'all," he said, shrugging, a goofy Sagittarian grin on his face.

I waved, and they were gone. I got up and went back to the table where Jupiter sat, attacking Mercury's forgotten plate of pasta with true gusto. He glanced at Mars' "to do" list, then suddenly laughed out loud. "Hey, babe, I just thought of something you might appreciate."

"What's that, Big Guy?" I asked.

He burped, wiped his mouth on the white napkin that hung from his collar and pushed his plate away. He laughed again, shaking his head as he pulled a huge, fat after-pasta cigar from his jacket. "Well, if I'm not mistaken, Mars asked Mercury to take care of his list to start with, right?"

I nodded, grinning, beginning to catch on.

"So how'd I end up with it? I mean, is that Mercury guy good or what?" He lit the cigar, puffed hard and exhaled a huge cloud of smoke. "I guess they don't call him "The Trickster" for nothing, huh? Those Aries planets—no time, you know? Gotta go. They're all promises and no follow-through," he said, then laughed again. "'Course, I guess I'm not one to talk, am I?"

I laughed along with him. "Me neither," I said. Jupiter and I had a lot in common. He is, after all, the planet who rules Sagittarius. I'm a Sag, and I have to admit that I do tend to scatter my energies every now and then.

"Ah, well," he said, shrugging his huge shoulders. "I guess that's what being a family is all about, right?"

Saturn's lecture was apparently still having some effect on my conscience. I leaned across the table, nodded at the lengthy list, and said, "Well, is there anything I can do to help? What's on the list? If you don't mind my asking."

"Oh, nothing, really," he answered. "It's just that Mars is gonna be retrograde by the time they're back from sunny Florida, and for once, he's actually trying to plan ahead. Must be that Sag outfit he's wearin', huh, babe?"

I had to agree. One thing Sag planets were good at was planning ahead since the big picture is, after all, their business, as is long-distance travel. But what kind of list could Mars possibly have? My curiosity was seriously piqued.

Next Week: Jupiter Asks Saturn for Some Help With Mars’ To Do List