StarIQ.com's Cosmic Correspondent Kim Rogers-Gallagher has been invited to the planets' secret hangout. She's the first astrologer to enter this starry domain, and reports regularly on her findings there.

Cosmic Café 54:
Jupiter Considers Asking Saturn for Some Help with Mars' To Do List

Jupiter pulled a pair of reading glasses from his breast pocket and began to read out loud. "Okay, babe, check this out. Number one, he wants me to go see Bush. Bush! He wants me to go make sure the guy isn't gonna start something he won't be able to finish. Says I gotta convince ol' Dubya not to push the envelope too far until Mars gets back and he's direct again, especially when it comes to Sagittarian stuff, you know. Like foreign battles?" He tossed a meaningful wink at me, suddenly reminding me of Tony Soprano.

"And you don't want to go see Bush?" I asked, knowing full well what the answer would be.

"Hell, no," he said. "I'm in Gemini, words are my business, and I really don't feel like spending the next month, let alone the next year, trying to understand what language the guy is tryin' to speak, you know?" He shook his head. "I just have no patience with him. He's an idiot, and I don't have time for idiots right now."

I averted my eyes, trying not to become involved in a political discussion with Jupiter, who specialized in big issues like politics. Jupiter had always been opinionated, but in Gemini, as he'd said, words were his business. I knew I might be there for hours, listening to a long, detailed and righteous lecture.

Fortunately, he'd given me an idea when he'd said the word "patience." Saturn. Saturn's specialty was patience. "Well," I said, trying to choose my words carefully, "why don't you ask Saturn to go? He's in Gemini, too, right? Maybe he can do something to help?"

Jupiter grimaced. "Aw, babe, I just hate to ask him for a favor, you know? The guy never forgets—never. He'll be callin' me in a few decades to remind me I owe him one, and I hate to owe anybody anything. Takes all the fun out of life, you know?" He was silent for a second, just one quick, Gemini second, then went on. "Nope. No way. I'm not gonna go there."

I didn't answer, but then suddenly, in typical Gemini style, he changed his mind. "Then again," he said, nodding slowly, "you might just have a point there. I don't want to go, right? And Saturn likes the guy, right? So why not send Saturn? Maybe he can talk some sense into the little…" he caught himself just in time, and apologized. "Hey, sorry, hon. I don't want to get you involved in this. But that is a great idea, now that I think of it. I'll call him. No, I'll run over there right now. Great idea, babe. I'll get you some plane tickets as soon as I can. Where do you want to go? And when? You want a ride home?"

"Oh, yes, please," I said. Between trying to tiptoe around Venus in volatile Aries without getting hurt, Mars in my own admittedly klutzy sign without getting accidentally hurt and listening to Jupiter's rapid-fire string of conversation—not to mention the whirlwind speed at which he changed his mind—I was exhausted. And seeing Saturn again wasn't the most appealing thing I could think of. "I've got stuff to do at home," I added, thinking of a nap.

"Okay, babe," he said, standing. "You ready? How do you want to get there?"

I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Oh, I don't care. Just no helicopters, please," then thought better of it. With Jupiter in Gemini, there was no telling what mode of transportation he'd choose, and I could tell by the sparkle in his eyes that he'd had quite a few "interesting" ideas immediately. "Um, actually," I said, "how about you just drive me? Or call me a cab?"

Predictably, my favorite uncle answered, "Okay, babe. You're a cab." He laughed, slapped his knee and stood up, offering me his arm. "Let's go, babe. I'll drive."

Next Week: Jupiter and Saturn Have a Pow-Wow and Mars Retrograde Joins Them—Late…